I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
only if we run a train.
done.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
