Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
