you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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