remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
