We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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