watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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