you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
