Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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