I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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