Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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