I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
