Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
