Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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