My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
