Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
there is glitter all over my balls
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