Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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