I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
