I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
