Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
