the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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