Welp...herpes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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