I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
50% drunk capacity currently
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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