We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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