She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
