Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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