i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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