I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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