you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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