awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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