Just fell off a train. Bad.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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