hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
