When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
