why didn't you poke me back
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
