I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
