You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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