dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
