my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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