Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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