Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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