Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You did what with his pubic hair?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
