my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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