Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
