what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
