update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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