When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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