my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
