I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So many bounce houses so little time
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
