this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
