She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's no shave November. This is our time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
