i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
